


Maybe

by secret_daydreamer



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M, this starts in the middle and will also forever be unfinished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8664913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret_daydreamer/pseuds/secret_daydreamer
Summary: After a car accident Melinda can't remember her life after Bahrain - and that includes her husband Andrew. All she wants to do now is be with her (ex-)boyfriend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sure what this is. I found it on my laptop and decided we're all probably in dire need of some bittersweet philinda angst.

“Garner,” he answered his ringing phone.  
“Yo, you’re a dude,” a voice exclaimed at the other end of the line.  
“Excuse me?”  
“Someone called me from your number but it was a chick, called me Phil but I ain’t no Phil and I don’t know none so wrong number, dude,” the voice explained.  
“Alright, thank you, I’ll tell her not to call you again. He must’ve changed his number”  
“Whatever, dude,” he said and then hung up the phone.  
Phil, of course she’d tried to call Phil, in her mind the two of them were still together. He knew it was probably best for her if he called him and told him to come by so Melinda would have a familiar face but he simply didn’t want to. When Melinda and Andrew had met she had still been with Phil. She had always told him how she wished he’d understand the crash had been her fault and that she couldn’t bear him telling him it was alright and he’d love her no matter what anymore. She’d just wished he’d take a step back until she gathered herself some. She was heartbroken when he did.  
Andrew knew that there had been a lot of love between them and that had the crash not happened the two would probably still be together but he just wanted his wife back. He knew she loved him and he wished so desperately that she’d remember but knew there was a chance she wouldn’t and it broke his heart.  
In her mind she was still in this safe and loving relationship with a guy he disliked for the simple fact that they both loved her. Familiarity was probably best for her now, too much confrontation with the unfamiliar wasn’t and right now he was the unfamiliar.  
He needed to call Phil. As much as it pained him, calling Phil was the right thing to do.

************************

“Coulson Catering, this is Daisy Johnson speaking, how can I help you?”, he heard Daisy’s voice from the other room while finishing off a plate for his next class in half an hour. “Of course, Garner, I’ll go get him.” His hears pricked at the mention of Dr. Andrew Garner’s name, he was Melinda’s husband and the two of them had only met a handful of times after he and Melinda had split up. They weren’t exactly friends, in fact, Phil suspected they only hid their dislike for each other the few times they saw each other for Melinda’s sake. That meant he probably wasn’t calling to sign up for one of his cooking classes, that meant something had happened to Melinda, something bad enough to warrant a call to the ex-boyfriend.  
He went to Daisy’s desk, feeling uneasy and anxious.   
Daisy gave him the phone. “It’s Garner. If he’s calling to ask you to cater a baby party I’ll kill him personally”, she joked but he didn’t manage to smile at her joke.  
“This is Phil”, he let him know.   
“Phil… I wouldn’t be calling if it weren’t important…”  
“What’s wrong with Melinda?”  
He had the nerve to scoff at Phil. “She’s fine, physically. She was in an accident yesterday. She tried to call your cell earlier. If it were up to me I wouldn’t be calling at all, actually, but she…”  
“Is she okay? Please tell me she’s okay!”  
“Yeah, she’s okay but she has retrograde amnesia, she can’t remember anything after Bahrain”, he told Phil quietly.  
That explained why she hadn’t reached him, or why she had even tried.  
“Does that mean she… she’s still blaming herself? Does she have to go through all that again?”  
“I’m not sure. It’s different now, she knows for certain it wasn’t her fault and she knows she overcame the trauma before. That should make it easier for her to sort through the experience again. It would be easiest if she regained her memory but I don’t know… as I’m sure you know memories are… elusive and complicated. There’s no way to know. The circumstances make it extremely stressful for her to regenerate. That’s why I called you. You know I wouldn’t have if…”  
“I know”, he cut him off, “I’ll be there as soon as I can” He looked at Skye pleadingly.  
“Sure thing AC I’ll get Clint to cover for you”, the girl promised. Melinda and Phil had met her about a year before the plane crash in Bahrain when Daisy was only 15, called herself Skye and lived in a van she technically wasn’t even allowed to drive. She had dropped out of school and run away from the orphanage. Phil had taken an instant liking to the girl and offered her a job as a receptionist at his catering firm. Melinda had taken a while to warm up to her and wasn’t happy when Phil had offered her the guest room for cold days but after a few months the two of them had started spending time together and found they weren’t so different. They’d even stayed in touch after Phil and Melinda’s break up. Phil helped Daisy find her real parents only to find out her father was dead and her mother a convicted killer. Nevertheless, she’d taken her birth name again and lived as Daisy Johnson from then on. She was amazing with computers and all technological things and the two had established a party light and sound firm merged with his catering.   
“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver, Daisy.”  
“No problem. I’ll just tell him he’ll get to eat the stuff and he’ll do it in a blink.”  
He flashed her a quick smile. “I’ll keep you updated.” He knew she’d want to know, she liked Melinda although the two didn’t see each other much.  
He spoke into the phone again. “Where to, Dr. Garner?”

************************************************

Melinda still sat on her hospital bed, trying to process what Andrew had told her. He’d gone outside to give her some space. He was her husband. Phil and her had broken up. She didn’t know how that had happened, if it was because he couldn’t bear living with a murderer, he hadn’t known then that it had been rebels who had shot the plane out of the sky, so that was a possibility; or if they’d simply drifted apart or if he had simply stopped loving her because she knew she could never stop loving him, not really. Or maybe she could, she was married to someone else after all. Was he married? That thought made her chest ache unbearably.  
There was a knock on the door. “Yes”, she said, trying to keep her voice steady. The door opened and Andrew entered.  
“I know you tried to call Phil earlier”, he stated. She knew she should feel guilty for calling her ex-boyfriend but she didn’t, it seemed so unreal that he was her ex and he had always been her rock, of course she wanted him here.   
“He didn’t pick up”, she said quietly, disappointed but maybe Andrew was here because Phil had called back. She looked at him hopefully. “Has he called back?”  
“No, he has a different number but he’s here… if you want to see him.” She could hear the hope in his voice that maybe she didn’t, maybe she had regained all the memories of the last couple of years and maybe she’d rather have him there.  
This time she felt genuinely sorry for him, he seemed like a wonderful guy, he’d even found Phil for her, or she supposed he had. “Yes, please.”  
Andrew left again and Phil knocked on the door only about a minute later.  
She all but jumped up from the bed. “Phil!”, she exclaimed but stood still immediately upon his entry in her room. He looked different, his hair had gone back a bit more, there were more wrinkles around his eyes than she remembered and he had gained a bit of weight. He still looked wonderful to her though, handsome and lean. She wanted to touch him, make sure he was really there. She wanted to kiss him.  
“Melinda”, he whispered. “How are you feeling?”  
“Better now”, she smiled but her smile faltered only about a second later and she added “you know, familiar face” quickly and looked down sheepishly.  
He smiled sadly. “What do you want to do now?”  
She couldn’t look up, all she wanted to do was go home, to their apartment, their home but she didn’t even know if she still lived there or if he lived there alone.  
“Can you sit with me for a bit?”, she asked because she needed him to be close and didn’t know any other way to make him than ask.  
“Of course, as long as you want me to.” She doubted that.   
As they walked over to her bed she realized he was still wearing his work clothes. “Don’t you have to be at work?”   
“I got Clint to cover for me and Daisy’s there too, to keep him in line.” His fond smile made her wonder whether Daisy was his girlfriend. If she could keep Clint in line she was definitely not completely harmless, so that was good. Although her chest felt like somebody had gripped her heart and was now tearing at it, doing their best to try and rip it out of her ribcage.  
She needed to pull the band aid off quickly. “Is she your girlfriend?”, she rushed out.  
He looked at her quizzically. Then she could see some kind of realization hit him and he smiled. She braced herself for what came next.  
“Daisy is Skye. We found her parents. Well, we found her mother in a state prison. Her birth name is Daisy Johnson, his dad died protecting her from her mother. She took her birth name after learning that. She struggled a bit but you helped her a lot with that. You used to do Tai Chi with her regularly… until you got married. You moved out of town then and the drive was just a bit too long” He smiled bitterly at the floor.  
“I’m glad she’s doing okay.” She smiled, she really was glad, she’d grown fond of the girl despite her initial reservations. She was sixteen the last time she’d seen her…or well the last time she remembered seeing her. She must be 24 by now. She wondered how she looked now. She had no doubt grown up to be a wonderful, nosy, obnoxious, brilliant woman.  
Phil must’ve sensed her curiosity because he pulled out his phone and showed her a picture of her, grinning widely at the camera. “That was about a month ago, at her birthday party. We expanded Coulson Catering to add lighting and sound to our party service. She’s in charge of that part… well, within reason, of course.” He chuckled. That sounded like something Melinda would want to make sure of, that she was in charge of her own work but still had superiors to keep her in line, she needed that.  
“You must be so proud of her.”  
“You are, too.” He turned to her and they were looking at each other. She wanted to kiss him. He was just too damn close. She looked away then and cleared her throat.  
“You mentioned Clint… so he’s still working for you?”, she deflected.  
“Yeah, he is. He and Laura got a divorce, though. Can you believe he and Natasha finally admitted to being head over heels in love with each other?”, he asked, amusement heavy in his voice. He grinned at her. They had always joked that the two of them would never get their acts together and screw already. His and Laura’s marriage had always been difficult. He had loved her but he’d also had a major crush on his best friend Natasha. But Natasha was a ballet dancer and constantly toured around the world so the two had never had a chance.   
She smiled back at him. “So, she doesn’t dance anymore?”  
“Not professionally, no. She teaches mixed martial arts. You two meet up and spar every week.”  
He still seemed to know so much about her life, although they weren’t together anymore. Her frown must’ve shown on her face.   
“Our break-up … well our friends never took sides. We kind of just avoid hanging out with them together.”   
The mention of their break-up hurt. She needed to know what happened, maybe she could understand and move on then… or make it right. No. That wasn’t an option, she lamented. She was married now, however that had happened.  
“Can I… can I ask you something?”  
“We broke up after what happened in Bahrain. You pushed me away and I didn’t want to let go. After a while I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed time and so did you.” He sighed heavily. “It was so painful to see you blame yourself like that. I think you couldn’t bear to have me next to you because I wouldn’t let you blame yourself and you were so sure it was your fault, it was like you needed to blame yourself.”  
“So you left.” She didn’t want to believe that Phil had just left like that because of a rough patch.  
“I was gone for a week maybe. When I came back you… we fought, you told me to leave again and again and I was an idiot. You told me you’d slept with Andrew and that I needed to leave you alone because you didn’t love me and you couldn’t stand to be with me anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I was hurt and I left. I never intended for this to be permanent.”  
“No”, she whispered. She couldn’t believe it, she loved him, she loved him so much, she’d have wanted him to be there, his presence always made things easier to bear. She couldn’t believe she’d cheated on him but she trusted him and she knew he wouldn’t lie to her. “I cheated on you. Why would I do that?”  
“I don’t know if you did or just told me you did to make me leave but you started dating him once you were better and you married him, so….”  
“I wish this was a second chance.” She hadn’t meant to say it but it was true. She’d never been a cuddly person but his embrace was safe and she longed to be in is arms, to kiss him, to snuggle up to him in their bed, to have sex with him.  
“It’s not!” His voice was harsher than she’d expected and her shoulders sagged. She hated to be so vulnerable, she wanted to get up and kick someone’s ass but the only ass to be kicked around here was hers. How could she have cheated on Phil? And how could she have told him she didn’t love him anymore when that was clearly a lie.  
“I`m sorry, Melinda. I didn’t mean for that to come out as harsh as it did. It’s just….” He sighed.  
“You have someone else. That was to be expected, I guess.”  
He took her hand. It felt warm and comforting despite the fact that her heart hadn’t stopped aching since Phil had stepped foot into her room. She’d still rather be with him than with Andrew.  
“No, but you do. I know you love him. You wouldn’t have married him if you didn’t.”  
Right. Another thing she messed up. She ran a hand through her hair. “I hate this.”  
“You’ll get back your memories and you’ll have your life back.”  
“It was supposed to be our life, Phil.”  
“I know”, he said and squeezed her hand, “I know.”

************************************************

“Sir, I’ll have to ask you to leave. We can’t allow any visitors after 9pm”, a doctor announced and Phil turned around to find Jemma Simmons in the doorway.  
“Jemma”, he smiled at the young doctor. “Nice to see you.”  
“Oh, hello Phil. I didn’t know you were the visitor. I still can’t make any exceptions for you, Sir. Rules are rules.” She smiled broadly at him, her nose scrunching up adorably. Jemma was somewhat like a daughter to him, they’d met through Daisy and had a cordial relationship.  
“I know, I know. Could you brief us on her condition, please? Melinda here is a friend of Daisy’s.”  
“Oh, I did not know that. I could’ve called Daisy for you if you’d wanted, Ma’am.”  
Melinda had sat quietly on her bed, witnessing the exchange. “It’s quite alright, Doctor. I really just need to get out of here.”  
“That’s understandable, Mrs. Garner, I-“  
“May!”, Melinda cut her off, “Call me Ms. May, please. I…” She struggled to explain.  
“Alright. Ms. May, you can leave here tomorrow morning. Your husband told me to tell you he’d pick you up.”  
Melinda flinched at the mention of her husband. Phil was sure Jemma hadn’t seen it but Phil had known her for almost twenty years, he knew she was uncomfortable.  
He walked over to her. “I can tell him not to come and pick you up myself if you want me to.”  
“You have to work, Phil”, she said quietly and he couldn’t bear to see her like that. He wanted her to be the strong, resilient, happy Melinda he’d once know, he wanted her to get her memories back even if that meant she’d be with Andrew again, at least she’d be happy.  
“No, I don’t. We have to cater a party tomorrow evening but I’m free tomorrow morning.”  
“I don’t even know where to go. I don’t want to go back to Andrew’s place.” Her voice was broken and desperate. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand and he did. He wanted to take her into his arms and comfort her like she hadn’t let him last time she had gone through a trauma. This time was different. She wanted him there but he couldn’t be there because once the memories returned she’d go back to Andrew – it broke his heart all over again.  
“Daisy lives in our apartment. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you staying in her guest room. You do own half of the place anyway.”  
“We kept the place?”, she asked, her eyebrow raised.   
He understood her confusion. It was rather unusual.  
“I guess it just didn’t feel right to get rid of the place completely, so we rented it out to Daisy after you moved out, too. Jemma lives two floors below with her boyfriend Fitz. I’ll talk to Daisy and Andrew and bring you there tomorrow morning.”  
“Thanks, Phil. That means a lot to me. I know you have better stuff to do.”  
“It’s okay.” He smiled at her to let her know it really was okay for him to do that for her, he did it because he cared.  
Jemma cleared her throat behind them. “Of course you are free to do whatever you like; you are a grown person but it doesn’t seem right or fair to your husband to run off with your ex-boyfriend. Your memories might very well return and then you will regret this.”  
Phil chuckled. “Jemma. I’ll drive her home. The apartment is familiar, that’ll be good for her.”  
Jemma looked like she wanted to say something else but refrained from doing so.  
“Alright. Your condition, Ms. May, is stable and I don’t expect any changes apart from possibly memories returning. You are not to do any strenuous activities, no driving or working for at least two weeks.”  
Melinda groaned. “What am I supposed to do all that time?”  
“You could read. You used to always complain you had no time to read anymore. There’s your chance. I could bring you comics.” He smiled at her goofily and she rolled her eyes at him and smiled back.  
“You’re such a nerd, you know that, right? I’m not reading Captain America, ever.” Her smile widened and it was as if nothing had changed and for her it hadn’t, she was still the Melinda who would call him a nerd whenever he mentioned comics and who expected him to reply ‘yeah but you love me anyway’ and kiss her, she was the same Melinda who had banned their imaginary children from ever owning any Captain America merchandize.  
He looked away. She wouldn’t be that Melinda for much longer. She would be Andrew’s Melinda as soon as her memories returned. It hurt him to admit but even after all this time he missed her, he always would.  
But he needed to walk away – again, for both their sakes. He would be there for her but from a distance, losing her again would hurt.  
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”

******************************

When Phil had left Melinda called Andrew. She needed to talk to him.  
“Melinda? Is something wrong?”, he asked upon picking up.  
“Hello to you, too.”  
“I’m glad you haven’t lost your sarcasm.”  
“I need to ask you something and I need you to answer me truthfully.”  
“Of course. What is it?”  
“Did I cheat on Phil with you?” She knew that question wasn’t exactly something to be asked in a situation like the one they were in but she needed to know.  
“Excuse me?”  
She wanted to scream at him that that was a pretty obvious question and that she demanded an answer but held back. “Did I have sex with you when Phil and I were still together?”  
She was met with silence but after a couple of seconds he answered: “No, never. You were still my patient then. We started dating about a year after the crash. I think by then you and Phil had been separated for over 6 months.”  
She sighed with relief. She didn’t think she could’ve lived with herself if she had cheated on Phil.  
“Did he tell you we did because that’s a lie and I don’t know –“, he started but Melinda cut him off.  
“He didn’t… he told me I told him that before he left. He never found out if it was the truth.”  
“You wanted him gone”, he stated.  
She sighed but her breath caught in her throat. “Why?”, she whispered, “Why would I have wanted him gone? You’re a psychiatrist, tell me! Why would I have wanted him gone?” She let out a strangled sob. She hated feeling this vulnerable and weak.  
When Andrew spoke his voice was heavy and loaded with grief; she could practically hear his heart breaking. “Because you couldn’t stand the fact that he loved you. You didn’t want to be loved.”  
“Did I love you?” She needed to know. She didn’t want to know because she felt she knew the answer, Andrew didn’t seem like someone to marry a woman if she didn’t love him back, but she needed to know.   
“Yes.”  
“I’m sorry.” This was all so confusing. How could she love Phil now when only a few hours before she had loved Andrew?  
“It’s okay. You’ll regain your memories. I know this must be confusing for you but it’ll be alright”, he tried to reassure her and despite the fact that she didn’t know Andrew she appreciated the sentiment.  
“You said we had a fight before I left.” She’d only just remembered that he had mentioned that when she’d first woken up. She wanted to understand the relationship she had shared with Andrew.  
He hesitated as if debating whether to disclose the reason and subject of their disagreement to her but spoke eventually. “Yeah, you’ve been a bit nostalgic lately and I guess I was afraid you’d want out.”  
“Did I?” Somehow she wished she had because then, if she regained her memories, she’d still want to be with Phil. She knew it was wrong and maybe Andrew wouldn’t tell her the truth but he seemed like an honest person to her.  
“I don’t know. Maybe.”


End file.
